Getting Rid of the Guilt

I am still working through the guilt of not breastfeeding. I tried. Zavier hated it, constantly crying at my slow milk productions, nipple shield falling off (which he would only use to feed!), the awkward positioning and probably sensing my frustration. My mom witnessed it one day, the screaming, the wailing, stating that she really understood why straight bottle feeding might just be the best thing for this little boy.

Even after seeing a lactation consultant and pumping my heart out (at least to the best of my ability) I still couldn't seem to get in the habit. My boyfriend asked me the other day if I was still breastfeeding. I said that I was trying. I lied. I think that I am over it, though I'm not over feeling bad about it.

I talked to friends who breastfed exclusively too, for various reasons. That eased my guilt a bit. Plus, Zavier is gaining weight; He is healthy and happy, and even doing things that are developmentally advanced for his age. So, I must be doing something right, no?

One day I am sure that I will feel better about my decision not to be a mother locked to the pump. I'm looking forward to that day. In the meantime, I will just have to attempt to stop beating myself up over it.